Managing Life’s Burdens: 6 Tips to Unpack Your Emotional Backpack

Many of us carry the weight of past traumas, life’s hurts, unkind words spoken by or to us, angst against others for their behaviors, and many festering emotions. These weights are like rocks in a backpack which we carry around at all times. How many of those ‘rocks’ belong to us, and how many belong to others? How many rocks could we take out of our pack and put down, lightening our load considerably?

Discover the rocks in your backpack

    If the rocks in your backpack are the sum total of your life experiences, what fills your backpack? What are you holding on to that no longer serves you? Someone made a hurtful comment when you were 10. Now at 35, that rock is still weighing you down. You were horrifically abused by someone who was supposed to take care of you. This puts a LOT of rocks in your backpack. That co-worker received the promotion that should have been yours . . . another rock in the backpack. You’re envious of the life your sister lives because that was what you wanted for yourself . . . more rocks in the backpack. See how rocks can accumulate over time?

    CALL TO ACTION: take a few minutes and write down what you think is filling your backpack right now.

    Assess the rocks in your backpack

      Which rocks in your backpack are you ready to take out and assess? This process may be done independently, or you may need professional support to adequately and safely assess the rocks in your backpack. Some rocks will be easy to assess. “That third-grade teacher was often cross, but it wasn’t about me. So, I can put that rock down or give it metaphorically back to the teacher so they can take care of it.” Perhaps some rocks are more like boulders. These may require that you chip away at it over time, and piece-by-piece you can dissemble the boulder and remove pieces of it from your backpack. There is no right or wrong way to assess the rocks in your backpack. Nevertheless, it does require looking at the rocks, determining whether or not the rock is still needed, and being willing to let go of the rocks being carried unnecessarily. Often, we carry around rocks that don’t even belong to us. When we do this, the person it belongs to can’t take care of the rock so it just weighs us down and makes our journey harder. Giving these rocks back to their rightful owners can often look like forgiveness, letting go, and moving forward.

      Protect your backpack from the rocks others try to put in it

        People may see your backpack as a place to put the rocks they don’t want to haul around. This can look like non-accountability, lack of responsibility, blame, guilt, shame, or abuse. These are NOT YOUR ROCKS. You are NOT required to put these rocks in your backpack. You can say, “STOP! That’s not my rock. I don’t want that rock in my backpack.” You don’t have to let others put their rocks in your backpack. They need to take responsibility for their own rocks. What they choose to do with their rocks is up to them, NOT YOU! It’s enough for us to manage our own rocks without taking on the rocks of others. Protect your backpack, and thus, yourself from this onslaught of rocks others want to thrust upon you.

        Be willing to do what is necessary to lighten the load

          Carrying these rocks around in our backpacks for years, even decades can cause problems over time. Problems may look like poor health, exhaustion, mental fatigue, depression, chronic illness, emotional turmoil, anxiety, or unresolved anger. You get the picture?

          There are many ways to manage the rocks in our backpacks. Once assessed, start with the easiest rock to manage or the most urgent one. It’s a process. Don’t expect to unpack your backpack all at once. That’s a lot of work!!! Be wise as you determine how to handle each rock, and when. Perhaps start with those items that seem easy to put down – a harsh word from a spouse, a poor choice at a shopping mall, or a missed opportunity. You may want to see which rocks belong to others and decide the best way of giving them their rock. It might be a letter of forgiveness (shared, or not). It may start with acknowledging that a hurt occurred and it wasn’t your fault. It might even be letting another know that you have one of their rocks and it’s time for them to have it back. With a therapist, you might engage in art therapy, sandtray therapy, CranioSacral Therapy, or other processes to determine how to manage the rocks in your backpack in an effective and safe manner.

          Take your time

            Taking out the rocks in your backpack takes time. There is no right or wrong way to do it. There isn’t a timeline for when all the rocks must be removed. You might even find that new rocks are being added to your backpack. When that occurs it might be a good time to assess the rock. Do I need this? Is it mine to manage? Can I let it go now? Then the rocks don’t have a chance to get comfortable in your backpack, and you don’t become immune to their weight over time. Be mindful of which rocks are the priority to manage, which rocks you are ready to let go of, and the best way to work with each rock. Then, press forward.

            Keep removing rocks from your backpack

              Because rocks keep getting added to your backpack, keep removing rocks. As you stay aware of the rocks coming and going, you can better manage which ones stay and which can be put down or given back. This is a healing process that occurs over time. It is also a process of self-awareness. As we become more aware that we are carrying a backpack, that it is filled with rocks, and that we can choose what to do with those rocks, we can make healthier choices for ourselves. The rocks in your backpack aren’t going to be a one-and-done process. It’s a lifetime pursuit. You may even choose to put down the whole backpack and not pick up any more rocks. This might look like being self-aware, resisting others’ attempts to abuse or hurt us, forgiving quickly, living in gratitude, and seeing the good even in the most difficult circumstances. It’s learning how to live a life free from the weight of old trauma, choosing not to be offended, and seeing the beauty all around you. This is a place worth getting to, with or without your backpack.

              Conclusion

              If your backpack seems overfull, and you aren’t sure how to lighten the load, please reach out for support. BECOMING EXCEPTIONAL can guide you as you take out your rocks, assess them, and chip away at the boulders. We can help you recognize the rocks that don’t belong to you and teach you how to let go or give back those rocks. We can teach you how to protect your backpack from invaders; decide what to do with the rocks, and provide skills to support you in continuing to manage the rocks in your backpack effectively. Call now. We accept all sorts of backpacks.