Life is all about choices and the natural consequences we receive from our choices. Helping children and others understand this can lead to increased accountability and learning, gaining more responsibility for the outcomes of our choices – whether we like the outcomes or not. Much of our world seems to believe and engage in the belief that they can make choice A and get outcome B, or that they don’t have to be accountable for the outcomes of their choices if they don’t like the outcomes. This is a lie society perpetuates. The following analogy of the whirlpool may help in better understanding choice and accountability, and the natural outcomes of life.
The Parable of the Whirlpool
One day a group of friends went to the beach together. While hanging out on the beach one friend decided to swim near a sign that said “Danger Whirlpool”. Since she was only near the sign her other friends weren’t concerned.
However, shortly after getting into the water the woman became caught in an undercurrent and was pulled into the whirlpool. Despite the impending danger, the woman felt she was in control of her situation and refused help from her friends on the shore who could more clearly see her predicament.

One concerned friend kept vigil on the shore and soon recognized that the woman in the water was in danger of being pulled under by the whirlpool because she didn’t have the necessary resources to save herself. The beach friend threw the woman a life preserver, calling for her to grab hold. Unfortunately, the woman in the whirlpool refused to accept the saving resource thrown to her. She yelled that she was fine, the water was comfortable, and she didn’t need the life preserver.
Shortly thereafter, the other friends offered the woman in the water other resources to get safely out of the whirlpool. Some even waded into the water to better assist her. They threw the drowning woman a rope, coaxing her to take hold. The woman’s strong desire to stay in the warm, swirling water soon pulled her friends off their feet, putting them in danger of being pulled into the whirlpool.
Because the first beach friend had remained on the shore, she could see that all her friends were now in danger of drowning. Nevertheless, from the group’s perspective, they still felt saving their drowning friend was feasible. They could not see how close they were to the whirlpool and how far from the shore they had been pulled.
What should the friend on the beach do to help her friends?
Should she respect their wishes and leave them all in the whirlpool to sink or swim?
Should she get in the water herself and try to pull them out, putting herself in danger and leaving no one on the shore to go for help?
Should she cut the rope to the life preserver, which could easily pull her in as well, and save herself while leaving the others to fend for themselves?
Or should she dig in, hold her ground, and pull with all her might, dragging the entire group – kicking and screaming – out of danger and saving their lives?
What would YOU do?
Let’s look at choices and consequences
What choices were available to the group at the beach?
Building sandcastles
Lying on the beach in the sunshine
Feeling the wind
Walking on the shore alone or together
Scrunching their toes in the sand
Walk into the water far from the whirlpool
Leaving the beach
Having a picnic
Splashing in the water down the shore
Swimming in non-danger areas of the ocean
And much more
Once the woman chose to swim near the whirlpool, what choices did she have once she was pulled into danger?
Yell for help
Accept the help when offered
Struggle to stay afloat
She was no longer in a position to make choices. She was merely trying to survive the best she could. All her choices were taken from her because of ONE unwise choice made.
Many of us think we can choose to swim near a whirlpool and not get sucked in. This might look like testing or violating boundaries and believing there won’t be consequences; experimenting with drugs or alcohol, thinking we won’t become addicted; having unprotected sex and not accepting the reality of STDs or unplanned pregnancies; violating rules at home or school believing they can get away with it; or gossiping about a friend and feeling this won’t destroy the friendship. Teaching children to look at all the outcomes of their decisions will help them make wiser decisions in the long run.

THEN, let them enjoy the negative or undesirable outcomes of their choices so they learn to make better choices the next time. If the rule states punching a sibling means they don’t get to play with friends, follow through on that consequence. When parents provide a boundary, a rule, or a threat and don’t follow through immediately, kids begin to mistrust the information parents give. They may believe the consequences won’t come in real life. They may test harder the next time because kids do want boundaries. Boundaries, rules, and expectations help kids to feel safe and secure because they know what to expect, and where the safety areas are in their lives.
How do we give choices & consequences?
- Give choices starting when kids are small and the choices aren’t life-altering.
Do you want the blue cup or the red one?
Do you want to brush your teeth or get on your pjs first?
If you eat your dinner, you can have dessert.
There are a lot of areas where choices can be applied. Be sure NEVER to give a choice that you can’t live with. Kids will choose that one every time. They will test you. They won’t eat their dinner and if you give them dessert anyway, it will take a long time to get them to trust your consequences again.
- FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE OUTCOME YOU GAVE THEM!!!
- Hold your ground while they test you, especially if this is new in your home. By maintaining boundaries over time, kids will begin to believe you will follow through and will lessen the resistance and testing. Hang in there!
No one wants to see someone they love drown in a whirlpool of poor choices and their natural consequences. Yet, we often do this by not expecting people to suffer the consequences of their choices. Allowing people to endure the outcomes of their choices, though unpleasant, will teach them accountability and responsibility and will improve choice-making over time.
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