Divorce or separation can be an incredibly challenging and emotional experience. Here are six tips to help you recuperate and move forward:
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Why It’s Important: Divorce (or separation) is a significant loss, and it’s natural to grieve. Ignoring your emotions can lead to long-term emotional issues. Taking a break from new relationships for a time gives your system the chance to heal from the past so you can move forward more effectively.
How to Do It: Give yourself permission to feel sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your feelings. Everyone grieves differently, and each person’s grief may take a different amount of time. Take what you need. Life will still be here for you when you’re ready to embrace it fully!
2. Establish a Support System
Why It’s Important: Surrounding yourself with supportive people can provide comfort and help you feel less alone. Sometimes the support system we had is lost or compromised during a break-up. Bravely search out new support systems as needed. How to Do It: Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups. Joining a divorce support group can connect you with others who understand what you’re going through. Reaching for a higher power or a spiritual connection may also be beneficial.
3. Focus on Self-Care
Why It’s Important: Taking care of your physical and emotional health is crucial during this stressful time. Being able to understand the emotions, thought processes, and belief systems you have allows you to make choices about whether or not these are productive and healthy, or not. How to Do It: Maintain a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Consider activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as yoga, meditation, or hobbies you enjoy. Choose activities that fill your bucket, bring you joy, or connect you with others or yourself in healthy ways.
4. Set New Goals
Why It’s Important: Having goals can give you a sense of purpose and direction, helping you move forward. This can be a time to revamp, reinvest in yourself, and learn what is important to you and determine how to achieve it. How to Do It: Start small with daily or weekly goals. Gradually, set bigger goals related to your personal, professional, or social life. This could include pursuing a new hobby, advancing your career, or traveling. It may also include meeting with a therapist to work through unresolved traumas, limiting beliefs, or obstacles that get in the way of your achieving what you want in life.
5. Reevaluate Your Finances
Why It’s Important: Divorce or separation often brings financial changes, and understanding your new financial situation is critical for your stability. How to Do It: Create a new budget based on your current income and expenses. Consider consulting a financial advisor to help you plan for the future. Find community resources that can help you gain skills in this area where they may be lacking.
6. Seek Professional Help
Why It’s Important: Professional guidance can help you navigate the complexities of your emotions and new life circumstances. Often, when experiencing challenging situations, we are less able to see things clearly. We may be lacking skills, knowledge, or support to help us navigate the challenges and changes inherent in a break-up. We do not have to go it alone. How to Do It: Find a therapist who specializes in divorce or life transitions. Legal advice from a lawyer can also ensure that your rights are protected during and after the divorce process. Find other community resources that may be supportive for you.
Additional Tips:
- Limit Contact with Your Ex: At least initially, limiting contact can help you heal faster by reducing emotional triggers. If you are a parent, this is likely not possible as you will need to learn to navigate the challenges of co-parenting. Do the best you can.
- Avoid Major Decisions: Give yourself time to adjust before making any major life changes, like moving or changing jobs, or even dating. Allowing yourself time to heal and decide who you are and what you want out of life will help you establish healthy, intentional goals when it comes to relationships so that the next relationship will, hopefully, be healthier and more fulfilling.
Recovering from a divorce is a personal journey, and it’s important to go at your own pace. Be patient with yourself and recognize that healing takes time, work, and intention.