Successful Co-Parenting: Prioritizing Child Well-being in Blended Families

In today’s society, there is a lot of divorce and remarriage, and blended families. As such, many children will be in situations where biological parents have parted ways, often under difficult circumstances. And yet, these are still parents of mutual children who need and want to be parented. Below are a few tips to make co-parenting work for both adults involved and the children you share.

1. Always speak well (or not at all) of the other parent.
   1. Children should never have to choose which parent to love. They are smart enough to recognize if something is amiss with one parent so it’s best to let them form their own opinions where possible.
   2. YOUR opinions of the other parent should never be forced upon the child.
   3. Speaking ill of a child’s parent is speaking ill of the child, who is a part of that parent.
   4. Model for children how to forgive, choose healthy relationships, and see the best in others, even when that’s hard.
2. Always allow a child to have a relationship with BOTH parents where possible and safe to do so.
   1. Children shouldn’t have to choose between people they love.
   2. Support the child in building a healthy relationship with each parent where possible.
   3. When a relationship isn’t possible or safe, explain at an appropriate age level for the child the reasons when kids ask. They don’t need the whole story, but share what feels necessary to keep them safe.
3. Collaborate with each other as adults to provide stable, consistent homes for the child.
   1. Transitioning between homes on a regular basis can be extremely difficult for most children. The more consistency of rules, expectations, and outcomes between homes the easier the transitions will be.
   2. Choose to be a PARENT with rules, boundaries, and healthy outcomes rather than offering a home on inconsistency or lack of responsibility. Children NEED boundaries. It helps them feel safe and know what to expect from those around them and their environment. It also teaches them how to be healthy contributing members of their school, and the community as adults.
   3. As much as possible, keep consistent with bedtimes and routines to help the child’s physical and emotional well-being thrive. Parents often have different opinions about child-rearing which may have led to the divorce. However, choose a few items – such as bedtimes or outcomes for specific behaviors – where you CAN agree in both homes to provide some sense of consistency and stability across home lives.

NOTE: Where collaboration is not possible due to circumstances, hurt, or choice choose to be civil with one another, especially in front of or around the child. Or, find a mutually-agreed upon neutral party as a go-between.

1. Choose to put the child’s well-being above the desire for revenge, retaliation, or control.
   1. A child wants to love and be loved. Choose to put aside the hurts of the old relationship (marriage) so you can choose to parent effectively in a way that benefits the child (parenting).

Co-parenting can be challenging because of situations, abuses, hurts, or other issues leading to divorce. Choose not to punish the child, put them in the middle, or use them as a pawn for revenge or to hurt or control the other parent. Choose to set aside yourself to do what’s best for the child when addressing co-parenting. Help your child know that the divorce is not their fault. You are no longer married to their other parent, but you have NOT divorced them. You will be their parent forever.