While divorce certainly causes a disruption in the lives of parents, it’s very important to remember that children can suffer during this transition as well. And when it comes to co-parenting, it’s important to keep the best interests of your child first and foremost in your game-plan. The decisions you make should help create a stable and supportive home environment while also paying close attention to children’s overall physical and emotional well-being. The following guide shared by Becoming Exceptional Healing Center and Resources can help you find a way to find your footing with co-parenting.
Set Aside Conflict and Focus on Your Child’s Needs
Although you may not see eye to eye with your ex-partner, it’s important to always prioritize your child’s physical, mental, and emotional needs. This can sometimes prove difficult, but it’s crucial to co-parenting success. Whether you have a question about your child’s school or where they’ll spend the holidays this year, it’s important to keep your child at the forefront of all these decisions – even when it may seem impossible to do at the time.
Keep Communication Open and Respectful
Maintaining and respecting open and honest communication is one of the most important things you can do to achieve effective co-parenting. Even when you’re disagreeing about something, staying cool, calm, and collected can help keep tempers from boiling over. Whenever possible, use neutral language and a calm tone, particularly when things are getting heated. After all, the last thing you want is to have a blow-up in front of your child during a co-parenting disagreement.
Use Tech for Your Co-Parenting Plan
Putting together a detailed and consistent parenting plan will make life much easier for everyone following a divorce. Your plan may include things like visitation information and schedules, where they will live most of the time, and where they will go during the holidays, among other things. Having a spreadsheet can make this part of your plan much easier. And if you need to convert any of your PDF files to Excel to get things started, there are free tools available that can help you manage that and so much else (check it out to get started).
Respect Differences in Parenting Styles
As you co-parent, it’s only natural for you and your ex-partner to have different points of view when it comes to your parenting styles. However, it’s important to remember that just because you disagree with your ex-partner doesn’t necessarily mean they’re wrong. Keep an open mind and, again, rely on open communication to avoid any negativity or criticisms. This level of respect can help keep this co-parenting relationship as smooth as possible.
Don’t Fight in Front of Your Child
Conflicts are going to arise, but it’s up to you and your ex-partner to determine how they unfold. Should a disagreement arise, it’s important to keep the kids away from these disputes while they’re happening. Afterward, avoid saying anything negative about your ex-partner or the decisions they’ve made. Children often feel afraid and unloved by one or both parents during a divorce, and keeping them away from confrontations can help keep them in a positive frame of mind.
Encourage Relationships with Both Parents
Children benefit from having a positive relationship with both of their parents – it’s a fundamental part of their development and overall happiness. However, ensuring they feel loved and comfortable during a divorce can often prove tricky. Encourage your kid to spend plenty of quality time with their other parent, as this can help them build a bond that’s in need of nurturing. And again, always speak positively about your ex-partner in front of your children. This will help them avoid developing any negative feelings that may not exist otherwise. Allow your children to develop their own relationship with their each parent, without the baggage that each adult may have towards the other parent. The child is a product of each of their parents. When we speak badly of the parent, the child may feel this is reflected upon them as a person. When issues of abuse or illegal behaviors, addictions, and other related issues are an aspect of one parent’s lifestyle, limit what is said about the other parent as much as possible while still sharing age appropriate information and honesty about the situation. Kids are smart enough to see and feel what may be difficult with the adults in their lives. They don’t need one parent to put down the other parent. Allow them time to figure out for themselves any information that may be important for them to know. If they ask, share what feels honest and appropriate to the situation while discussing the “problems or choices” of the other parent rather than “how terrible” you feel the other parent is. Connect behaviors and not people to the issues at hand.
Prioritize Self-Care and Seek Support
Finally, don’t forget to take care of yourself! The stress of co-parenting and divorce can take a tremendous toll on your overall well-being, so it’s important to pay close attention to yourself. If you’re not already doing so, set aside time for self-care, whether it’s a few minutes watching your favorite TV show or taking a warm bath at the end of a long day. Last, but not least, don’t hesitate to lean on friends, family, and mental health professionals during this time.
Co-parenting after divorce is definitely not easy. However, with the right approach and a good plan, it can be managed effectively for the sake of your child’s happiness and well-being. Each careful and considerate step you take not only benefits your child but also reinforces the foundation of their adult lives.