How can we find purpose and meaning in being single, and how can we be happily single when the desire for marriage and family is still strong? What are meaningful activities to engage in while being single that might lead to a healthier couple relationship when that time arrives?
February, especially Valentine’s Day, can often be challenging for those who wish they had someone special with whom to celebrate this romance-focused holiday. I have friends who call it “single-awareness day.” There are others who do their best to avoid it all together despite being bombarded by ads and overwhelmed by red and white and giant stuffed animals in every store beginning in early January.
For me, this has been a journey of learning and moving forward, despite wishing my life included a husband with which to celebrate all the holidays and each day in between. Nevertheless, this article contains some nuggets of insight I’ve gained over my lifetime.
From Hope Chests to Career Paths: How to Prepare for Potential Possibilities in Singlehood
This example comes from my experience (being a spiritual person) of believing in a God who sees the whole picture and has my best interest at heart. However, I only get snippets and must then look back over time to grasp what He, in all His wisdom, knew from the beginning. Your experience may be different, and that’s okay.
Around 2004, I was given a Priesthood Blessing (believed to be inspired statements from God through those designated to act in His name). In this blessing I was told I had been “given this singleness for a purpose.” At the time, I didn’t realize that “this singleness” would go on for at least the next twenty years. I might have approached my life differently had I known that, but then I would have missed all the fabulous challenges and opportunities which have shaped me into who I am today, and that would have been a shame.

Fifty years ago, girls were prepared to grow up, get married, and have a family. We collected and created items for our “Hope Chest” and filled Cedar Chests or boxes with doilies, dishes, baby items, blankets, pillow cases, and the like in preparation for our venture through matrimony. Girls weren’t necessarily encouraged, in my particular culture, to become educated and focus on a career.
Thus, growing up, I had prepared to get married and have a family. My decisions, focus, purchases and so forth, were made in preparation for marriage and family. I didn’t know how to prepare to be single – what it should look like or involve – so my time being single could become meaningful and productive.
Today, women and men can each hold nearly any job or pursue any career they choose to. How, then, do we prepare for potential possibilities? Perhaps the best plan may be to have multiple plans. We’d want to start with our most desired outcome and establish a few backup plans perchance number one doesn’t happen or takes a while. Having several options may eliminate the stalemate which can occur when life doesn’t go as planned initially. Having options, then, encourages forward momentum while we enjoy the process of life. While single, prepare a variety of potential possibilities and see what life brings you over time.
The Art of Self-Discovery: Singlehood as a Path to Healing and Healthy Connections
The old adage, ‘like attracts like,’ is fairly accurate in many ways when it comes to relationships. We often end up with those we are ‘like’ or who live similarly to what we’re comfortable or familiar with, even if that’s unhealthy. Many people grow up in abusive or unhealthy childhoods and learn unhealthy relationship skills. They are more likely to attract people from similar lifestyles or who behave in a similar manner. This outcome is NOT the best when those relationship skills are toxic or hurtful.
Being single gives us the opportunity to work on ourselves – to get to know ourselves, heal our past, and become the healthy person we want to be with. As we begin to heal and become healthier within ourselves and in our behaviors, we are more likely to attract healthier people, leading to better long-term outcomes in our relationships.
This process may require trying new things, looking at life from a new perspective, forgiving old hurts and letting go of a painful past. It might mean asking for help from professionals, learning to understand ourselves deeply, or seeking healthy role models to emulate. It’s difficult to create a healthy relationship with ourselves or with others when we don’t know how to. Establishing a healthier self, outlook, or relationship takes work, study, and intention, but this can be done over time and with the necessary support. It may be easier to do healing work during our singlehood than when we are trying to juggle home and family. Take advantage of your time being single to become your healthiest self.
Embracing Singlehood: Finding Contentment and Hope in Your Journey
Many singles sit around moping or bemoaning the sad state of their relationship status. They focus on all the happy couples and that they are not one of them. They may even become bitter and resentful over time because life didn’t turn out the way they expected or that they aren’t in a wonderful relationship. A bitter, resentful person engaging in self-pity is NOT attractive. So, stop feeling sorry for yourself and look around at all the wonderful opportunities, blessings, people, and stretching life offers. You may be surprised, once you look on the bright side, how meaningful your single life can or has become. Granted, being single has its challenges AND it has its unique opportunities. “Sole possession of the remote control, that’s very important.” (1995. While You Were Sleeping [Motion picture]. USA: Hollywood Pictures, Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures) But seriously, what potential possibilities await you throughout your period of singlehood? Find them! Embrace them! Create them! Share them!
Recently, I visited my brother’s family, and his precocious six year old began asking me some questions (out of his concern for me, I’m sure).
KID: “Do you have a husband?”
ME: “No.”
KID: “Do you have any kids?”
ME: “No.”
KID: “Do you live alone?”
ME: “Yes,” as I’m laughing a little inside.
Then a little while later (after, I guess, he’d pondered my situation) he said – very seriously – “You’re very lonely. You should get married.”
I laughed out loud at this comment, as he was totally serious in his concern for me. I explained to him that some people like to be alone, and some people can live alone and not be lonely. The one doesn’t necessarily lead to the other. Sometimes I am lonely, and sometimes I’m glad to go home and not deal with people for a while. Even people in a couple’d relationship may sometimes feel lonely and want some time alone. So it’s about perspective, recognizing how best to meet our own needs, and seeing all the prospects around us.

My possibilities during my singlehood included living on both coasts. I’ve enjoyed multiple cultures, sites, classes, peoples, and learning opportunities I may not have experienced had I married decades ago. I’ve earned several degrees and worked in a variety of different jobs. Along the way, my life was filled with beautiful people who taught me SO many useful insights and truths and helped shape me. I wouldn’t trade those insights for anything! I carry those lessons, those individuals, and those experiences with me as part of who I am today.
What lessons, opportunities, people, places, and purposes can YOU enjoy during your singleness? Can you look back at your time being single and find the benefits available that maybe you missed the first time around? Finding joy in the journey, being grateful for the opportunities – even the hard ones – and recognizing the good surrounding us can help us feel more hopeful in the long run, even as we continue to be single.
Purposeful Living: How Singles Can Make a Positive Impact on the World
Some people know and fulfill their purpose early in life. Some people take more time to figure out their niche. Being single can be a great time to dig deep and really create meaning in one’s life. We can accomplish this through hobbies, career paths, serving others, or developing a talent. Find what brings you joy and fills your life with purpose and meaning. Singles that focus solely on self may miss the marvelous chances to build a legacy, establish meaningful relationships with others, or make a positive difference in the world through community, church, family, service, or career options.
During this singlehood, carve out time for the people and activities you enjoy. Go on fun adventures. Surround yourself with happy, healthy people and relationships of all types. In doing so, you may find a variety of options for strengthening purpose and making meaning during a lifestyle which wasn’t your first choice.
The Art of Connection: Thriving in Single Life through Deep Relationships
Single people that sit at home alone or who decline connecting with others through social activities and meaningful relationships, are more likely to suffer loneliness and negative health outcomes. Human beings are fashioned to connect from the beginning. Babies seek out connection through coos, eye contact, and mirroring responses. Our need for human contact and connection doesn’t go away as we age, so finding ways to engage in human connections will make single life more enjoyable. Also, singles have so much to offer that it would be a shame to miss out on the support, connection, and insights singles bring to all their relationships.
In my family of five siblings, and a generous helping of nieces/nephews and greats, I have enjoyed the role of “cool aunt” for over 30 years. My younger sister, mother of six, said to me once when her kids were little, “I’m just not the cool aunt.” I responded, “That’s because you’re busy being the mom.” They’re different roles, and that’s okay. Embrace your role, whatever it is.
Because I’ve not had children, I’ve worked to be the “cool aunt” by supporting my siblings and showing up when I could for important family events. I didn’t get to be the mom I wanted to be. Nevertheless, I’ve mothered hundreds of other people’s children of all ages over the years, and these hold a special place in my heart. I found ways to share my mothering skills with tired moms, confused young adults, traumatized youth, and a myriad of others through service, family, and employment. These connections filled the space I’d wanted to fill with my own children, and I feel whole despite life turning out differently than I’d planned or hoped because I found ways to be exceptional in my own way as a single.
What are some ways YOU can find to support those around you, to build strong relationship ties within family and friend circles, and to establish deep and meaningful connections with others during this singlehood?
Preparing for Happily-Ever-After: Navigating Singlehood with Intention
During my 30s and 40s, I attended a church group of mid-singles. I saw many of the women who were well-educated, enjoyed successful employment/careers, owned their own homes, and were spiritually strong, and yet were still single. In contrast, I saw many of the men still living in a rented space with multiple other men, still in school, and who dated endlessly yet never pursued long-term relationships. Of course, people from both genders fit into each group – one group found purpose and moved forward successfully, and the other group floundered and stagnated. Which group do YOU want to be in? It’s about intentionally choosing your path, even if that path doesn’t include some of the aspects you’d hoped for.
Find success in something that’s meaningful to you. Pursue the goals that you’re passionate about. Don’t just sit around waiting for Prince Charming (or Princess Charming) to come along and sweep you off your feet. When you’re truly ready and the time is right, the right person for you will arrive, and you’ll be ready because you continued to develop yourself, your life, and your purpose while you prepared for that eventuality – no matter how long it took.
We grew up on the “happily-ever-after” ideals, which still fill our media. People meet, fall in love, and live happily-ever-after in less than two hours, so how come it takes some of us thirty years – because that’s life sometimes. And did they truly live happily-ever-after? Because we didn’t see what happened after the show ended. We never witnessed all the work that goes into maintaining a healthy relationship. We didn’t see how they approached managing the dishes and dirty laundry, the screaming kids, and the soul-draining exhaustion. We have to make our own happily-ever-after, and it might need to look different than we’d imagined; or it might take longer to obtain than we’d hoped. Nevertheless, keep hoping, keep preparing, and keep believing that it can become a reality.
Crafting Your Exceptional Life: A Guide to Happiness in Singlehood and Beyond
Life is what you choose to make of it, what you believe it can be, and how you look at what happens throughout your life. Choose to see the positives and be grateful for the opportunities, even if they’re hard-won lessons. Prepare for numerous potentialities and see what singleness can produce. Strive at BECOMING EXCEPTIONAL so you attract another EXCEPTIONAL person you can enjoy a healthy relationship with. Learn to be content where you are while still hoping for what you most want and working towards achieving that outcome. Craft time to create and maintain deep and meaningful connections through family, friends, service to others, community, and/or work ventures. AND continue to believe that you deserve and are worthy of healthy relationships, love and affection, and that sometimes elusive but desirable romantic companionship you seek.
If you feel, at present that being happily single is beyond your current abilities, and you would like the support to heal, hope, and create a healthy and happy future, BECOMING EXCEPTIONAL is available to provide healing, skill-building, and strengthening for healthy relationships and meaningful lives.
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