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Why Fathers Matter: Key Findings on Parenting and Family Dynamics

Despite current societal behaviors, studies over time have shown how invaluable a father’s presence is to the growth and development of both boys and girls. From brain development, to relationship skills, from educational levels to lifetime health benefits . . . having fathers around in the lives of their children makes a huge difference in long-term outcomes for both kids and dads.

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Letting Fathers In . . .

This section was taken from The Process of Parenting, Ninth Edition, by Jane Brooks (2013).

Most fathers want to be part of their child’s life. However, sometimes they need guidance, better and healthier relationship and parenting skills, or the opportunity to heal their own old traumas. Unfortunately, some mothers struggle to let the father parent the child, especially if he’s doing it in a different way than she would. Brooks says, “When mothers and fathers feel support from each other, their competence as parents grows, and interaction with the baby becomes more effective. Father-infant interactions and fathers’ competence, particularly, are related to feeling support from mothers.” Thus, even if one or both parents are struggling in this new and unfamiliar life experience, supporting rather than criticizing can make a world of difference. We each bring our own life experiences, beliefs, and learned and modeled behaviors to parenting. Sometimes these were healthy, other times unhealthy. This greatly impacts one’s ability to parent effectively. Then add in the dynamic of the child’s personality, and current life situations, and things can get challenging fast. Parenting involves a learning curve. We learn as the child grows. And, as soon as we figure out how to do it effectively, the child enters a new stage of development and things must shift again. It’s a process. No one knows exactly how to do it right all the time. Yet, parenting together as a couple can provide strength, a united front, and a sense of support for each other.

Following, are ways to let fathers FATHER:

  1. Discuss the expectations of each parent’s role.
  2. Let dad parent his own way, and give him space to be the best father he can.
  3. Expect the father to attend pre-natal visits, as this is the best indicator of future parental involvement.
  4. Let him know how valuable his role as a father is to the mother AND to the child.
  5. Plan and coordinate parenting and childcare activities from the start.
  6. Talk about parenting beliefs and values before the child is born. Make sure you’re on the same page when it comes to care, discipline, education, and expectations.
  7. Discuss stresses, hopes, and expectations and strive to resolve or work towards them together.
  8. Continue to nurture the couple relationship, as this will greatly impact the parent-child relationship.
  9. Choose to be a father who nurtures, guides, and monitors rather than just being a “Disneyland Dad” whose only goal is to purchase the child’s affections through fun activities.
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A Father’s Contribution to Esteem and Overall Well-being

A 2013 study in the book, Invitation to the Lifespan, by Kathleen Berger, stated that a father’s interaction with his children, even the wrestling and rough-housing, develops a child’s brain in different ways than does a mother’s nurturing and protectiveness. Both types of interactions with children are necessary to fully develop the child’s brain and, therefore, their long-term relationships and wellness.

Brooks also stated that children growing up without engaged fathers have serious educational ramifications – from grades to educational level – and employment is also impacted. Fatherless girls were more likely to participate in early sexual activities and experience teen pregnancy. When a father has a good relationship with his daughter it increases her resilience, academic performance, and future relationships.

“Fathers’ characteristics appear to account for more variance in children’s education, self-esteem, and lack of psychological distress than do mothers’ characteristics,” said Brooks. Studies also indicated that father’s involvement decreased levels of aggression, especially in boys.

Fathers who are engaged also benefit. They tend to earn more, become more stable and more mature over time than non-engaged fathers.

Thus, having a father present and engaged in a child’s life can improve positive lifetime outcomes; and BEING an engaged father increases the outcomes for dad as well.

The Role of Fathers

In an article by Wade F. Horn, entitled, Of Elephants and Men, Horn tells the story of fatherhood in the animal kingdom.

In Kruger National Park in Africa, park rangers had a large group of elephants, too large for the park, and therefore decided to transport some elephants to other parks in Africa. A harness was attached to a helicopter to transport the elephants. However, the male bull elephants were too heavy for the harness, so only juvenile and adult female elephants were moved to another park.

Several weeks later, rangers noticed white rhinos being killed and left. Through investigation, they discovered that a band of juvenile male elephants were killing the rhinos. Rangers theorized that, “under normal circumstances, a dominant adult bull elephant keeps the younger bulls in line . . . Perhaps these young, transported bull elephants were missing the civilizing presence of their elders.” Subsequently, adult bull elephants were brought to the park and the killing quickly ceased.

Nearly 40 years ago, a young Daniel Patrick Moynihan wrote: ‘From the wild Irish slums of the 19th century Eastern Seaboard to the riot-torn suburbs of Los Angeles, there is one unmistakable lesson in American history: A community that allows a large number of young men to grow up in broken homes, dominated by women, never acquiring any stable relationship to male authority . . . -that community asks for and gets chaos.’ (Horn, nd).”

Thus, fatherhood in the wild and in humanity has value and is necessary for the balance and civilization of our communities. When those role models are missing, we all suffer the consequences.

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What children learn from their fathers about relationships:

  1. Both parents contribute to making a relationship strong and healthy, or not.
  2. Boys learn how to become men, husbands, and fathers.
  3. Girls learn how to become woman, wives, and mothers.

What will we choose to teach the next generation of parents?

For resources to support parenting, anxiety, emotional outbursts, or divorce situations, please reach out to BECOMING EXCEPTIONAL HEALING CENTER & RESOURCES today.